Leaving a Congregation Well, No Matter the Circumstances

Beloved,

I made the best choice for my life. And it broke my heart.

I was working as a Director of Religious Education at a congregation that was tight-knit. The kids in the program, I loved them. I’d watched them grow and knew their families. When you work with children in faith communities, they become yours in a way that’s hard to explain.

Then I got offered a full-time job in another city. The right move. The one my life needed.

And I realized I wouldn’t see those kids grow up. I wouldn’t be there for their milestones. The community I was part of wouldn’t be my community anymore. It was devastating.

When you’re facing that kind of loss, there’s a temptation. You want to protect yourself, so you check out early. You miss a meeting here and there. You let your energy fade in those last weeks. It hurts less if you’re already halfway gone.

I understood that temptation.

But that’s not leaving well.

Leaving well means recognizing the shared humanity and the love as real, and letting that matter all the way through your goodbye. It means showing up even when you know you’re leaving. Doing the hard work of transition, having the conversations, being in the room. Honoring the relationship by staying accountable all the way through.

I stayed. I documented what needed to be passed on. I sat with families. I said real goodbyes to the children.

And I grieved.

You’re going to love these people forever. Not because they earned it or because they’re perfect. Because you shared something sacred together. That love doesn’t disappear when you leave. It transforms. It becomes something you carry.

The hard part isn’t the logistics. It’s knowing you’ll miss their lives and choosing to honor what you had together anyway.

This week, notice what you’re carrying. If you’re leaving something, what will you carry with you? What love are you protecting yourself from?

What would it look like to stay present with that, all the way through?

With you in this,

JeKaren

• Note: this is not for or about people enduring abuse in systems.