Depletion From the Inside

At the start

it was easy to be

filled with hope and

joy

new life brewing

each spark an opportunity

Then the sparks

became requests

became expectations

became the only thing

anyone brought

to the door

No pie, no cheesy casserole

Still they came

and still

the hands opened

Because that is what

the faithful do

that is what

the called do

that is what

the good ones do

Until one morning

the hands opened

and there was nothing

Not emptiness exactly

more like the memory

of having been full

which is its own

particular ache

The work was the same

the words were the same

the room was the same

Only the feeling was gone

And no one noticed

because the motions

looked like ministry

and the silence inside

looked like peace

from where they were sitting

This is what depletion looks like

from the inside

There is no collapse

There is no crisis

no dramatic falling away

Just the knowledge

that something has stopped

and you have kept going

anyway